whatever! I am an omnivore

to describe omnivore, first, according to our holy wikipedia, is omni, meaning "all, everything"; vorare "to devour". in other words of my opinion, as an animal that eat all or everything, and to include human as an animal.

it's easy to tell that every time i'm at my lowest ebb, i do write on this blog. so here is the story...

i declare my self as an omnivore in accordance with the treaty i have made and ratified to my self.

i do not care what you will give me.
i do not care what i will eat.
a super fine dining one or an ordinary Chinese food.
i try to not easily get sad by only silly thing you don't do anymore, like you used to.
i try to accept everything.
i try to eat this shit.
i try to accept that this shit is eating me.
i try to be fine if you don't look me in the eyes like those moments i had.
i try to be cool when i saw you and you didn't even have a glance at me back.

they say i am now walking on a the so called karma.
the one that they believe i should accept as my punishment for bad and wrong doings i have ever done.

it is real hurt.
like i have never been hurt by anyone before.

but,
i am an omnivore, baby.
i eat everything.
i eat my happiness.
i eat, even, counterfeit happiness.
i eat my gloomy days.
i eat my sorrow.
i eat my grievances.
i eat everything.
i eat all.

whatever (that you give me, i will eat it), E.

i stop.

i have stop questioning

because i believe in what i feel.

i have no question, only faith.

you are such an addiction

to look into your eyes, to see deep into your soul

to say the unspoken, to feel these feelings deep inside

by the time, i realize i fall so hard.

you are such an addiction.

mmm

she's that great.
she's your equal.


mmm.
pathetic yet so competitive part. xxx

Anjing berlalu, Kafilah menggonggong

Katanya manusia adalah makhluk Tuhan yang sempurna, dengan akal dan budi yang diberikan. Secara kebetulan, entah mengapa dan bagaimana, manusia juga selalu melihat segala sesuatu dengan kesempurnaan. Kesempurnaan dijadikan patokan. Berbicara bagaikan segala hal harus sesuai dengan pandangan. Bagaikan pandangan adalah kebenaran yang sempurna dan mutlak serta absolut.
Padahal isi kepala orang pasti berbeda-beda, definisi dan kriteria akan kesempurnaan kemudian pasti berbeda-beda.
Mata melihat, kemudian mulut berbicara seenak dan sesuka hati. Bagaikan mulut yang paling tahu segalanya. Padahal belum tentu mata memproyeksikan semuanya dengan benar.
Dikepala mulai melebur dengan pikiran-pikiran lain, pengalaman-pengalaman, hujatan-hujatan. Padahal belum tentu kepala kita benar.

Ibaratkan saja ini adalah anjing. Binatang berkaki empat, dua mata, satu hidung dengan dua lubangnya, dua kuping, dan satu mulut yang didalamnya terjejer gigi bertaring.
Mata si anjing melihat suatu objek, juga mendengar apabila terdapat pantulan audio, dengan hidungnya ia mengendus-endus mencoba mencari petunjuk. Tidak lama setelah mengenali objeknya, si anjing pun membuka mulutnya, menggonggong dan mengeluarkan taringnya.
Padahal objek yang dilihat oleh si anjing mungkin tidak ia kenal, mungkin suara yang ia dengar bukan datang dari objek tersebut, mungkin hidung si anjing mengendus bau dari kulit objek, bukan intinya. Tapi toh, si anjing tetap mengeluarkan taringnya. Si anjing tetap menggonggong.

Tapi anjing tidak sempurna.
Wajar kalau menggongong.
Tapi manusia sempurna.
Dan manusia juga menggonggong.
Lalu,
apakah sang kafilah saat ini ada diposisi yang sama dengan si anjing?
Tapi ternyata manusia juga tidak sepenuhnya sempurna.
Karena kesempurnaan hanya milik Tuhan semata.
Lalu,
apakah sang kafilah bertukar posisi dengan si anjing?

Ketidaksempurnaan berjalan, Kesempurnaan dalam pandangan.
Anjing berlalu, Kafilah menggonggong.

Kasian Kafilah. Lain kali, sesekali, mungkin menjadi anjing tak apa.

Asu!

For Granted

These days are gone. Loud enough to hold on.
I think about the time we wasted. I think about the years to come.
It's getting late and I can't call. It's getting late to face it all.
I think about the time we wasted.

My loneliness has slowly grown.
I told you not to cross the line, and leave me with your love for granted.
The letters from your broken heart I think I might have lost them somewhere.

Don't tell me 'bout your lies.
Don't tell me 'bout your secrets.

My love is easy. You are everything I need.
Now your love is gone. I want it safe and guaranteed.
Life is such a fine line. Looking at the bright line.
I think about the time we wasted. For someday I'll be coming too.
Tonight is dying on it's own, and now I got your love for granted.
It doesn't matter right or wrong as long as you are hiding somewhere.

Don't tell me 'bout your lies
Don't tell me 'bout your secrets

Even though we've said it all. I would never let us fall.
With you, hang on to a little chance, you bet I'm in.
If it is for better, disillusions come after.
It's true.
Hang on to a little chance.
You bet I'm in.

Phoenix - Love For Granted

Happy Birthday Dearest Ega

Hello you there,

today is your day
i seriously have nothing to give, no present, only presence.

21 may be just a number.
this is just another page of life, where every page has its own title and subtitle, consist of subjects and objects, where lessons can be learned in every words and sentences.

it feels so good to spend some times with you, and especially to spend tonight with the 21-aged-you; with your maturity, your thoughts, and your visions.

you are my sudden friend, a very exciting one.


may you have a great day, unforgettable one.
may this Universe shows you the way and signs through your explorations.
may in every seconds and every minutes of your life filled by priceless experiences.
may happiness comes toward you this year and many years ahead.
may your heart always in a state of complete peace with your head.

may Virgin Mary hear my prayer.

Love,

Ruth Ayu